[[*my 6 cents worth]]

Sunday, July 02, 2006

______________________________

2 days back..

just happen that i was doing my stuff when Mark walked past me..

no exchange of words or even a courteous nod..

he just simply walked through the door..

and much as i hate looking at someone's back when they leave..

i actually looked at him leave till he disappear along the path..

what was i thinking man..

he looked not at all friendly and just a simple 'i-am-busy' kind of attitude..

i don't know if it was due to work stress or am i simply thinking too much..

maybe i am not even in the right mind to look at him..

much less think more than that..

and that same day..while i was at the bus stop waiting for the bus..

composed this short poem..this is how it goes..

'is waiting a test towards true love?
or an uncontrollable fall towards more hurt?
when do we know that the wait has to stop?
is it when the hurt becomes intolerable?
or when the Love we have becomes worthless?'

it was supposed to be in Chinese..

but i am having difficulties loading it..

so this is it..

thinking back..

i don't know when will this wait of mine come to a halt..

i tried to be strong..

really strong..

i even prayed to God for the strength to be so..

i make myself happie by pampering myself with small treats now and then..

i make my surrounding nice and cosy so that i'll never get myself reminded of the good times i once had with him..

i tried to be with other people..

get myself involve in more social stuff..

make new friends..

widen my circle of friends..

have more recreational activities like going song-singing and shopping and tours around..

BUT...

at the end of the day..

in every frame of my day..

he's there..

no matter how hard i try and fight..

he has never left me..

i did try to be with another person..

but it did not work out..

i even tried to give my very best at work so that i could be someone he is proud of..

yes..i do work for myself..

but in that part..

i work hard for him too..

to let him see that i am someone he could be proud of..

but i think i have failed terribly..

at the end of the day..

i still do not have what it takes to have him back..

at times..

i hated him so much..

cause' i am simply someone invisible in front of him..

cause' he only talks to me with work-related stuff..

even so..he limits the contact..

he no longer answer my calls..

no longer reply to my SMSes..

i am like a stranger to him..

yet..despite of how he treats me..

i still Love him as much as i first had..

no matter who fell in love with who first..

who left who first..

all i needed was a chance.

but he chose not to.

i chose to stay and wait.

but he chose to leave and remain as that.

i feel terrible.

but i think he feels better this way.

i put all my thoughts in this blog..

with no one knowing it at all.

will i be happier this way?

another 6 cents thoughts at|7/02/2006 10:00:00 PM|

[[ The Writer... ]]

a Simple SomeOne..
who Hides behind a Mask called..
'6 Cents Worth'..
for a Space called my Own...
Somewhere out there but yet Within...

[[ The Writer's Note... ]]

Here is e deepest Secret nobody knows..
Here is e Root of e Root..
And e Bud of e Bud..
And e Sky of e Sky..
Of a Tree Called Life..
Which grows Higher..
Than e Soul can Hope or Mind can Hide..
N dis is e Wonder tt's Keepin e Stars Apart..
I Carry Your Heart..
I Carry It in My Heart..

[[ My Loves and Hates ]]

I Love the simple pleasures in Life..
And I basically hate Nothin' actually..
Cause' I choose Happiness in e beginning..
And Every Happiness brings with it..
Unhappiness..
But it is with Unhappiness..
That you learn about..
True Happiness..

[[ Music's Playing ]]

Artist: Gong Shi Jia
Song: Zai Yi Ci Yong You

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[[ WorthAClick ]]

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