[[*my 6 cents worth]]

Friday, August 08, 2008

______________________________

I never had the courage to send any SMSes to him but I finally took the plunge last night, 2 August 08.

It was past 1am when I sent the message I have composed. I wasn’t expecting a reply. Though I was hoping for one. I was hoping that he would call and ask me out for a walk and tell me the so-called truth that I had been wanting to hear these past two years.

But I was in fact betting on the odds that the message would go unnoticed, maybe even unread and straight into the trash bin.

At 2.49am, he replied.

I was half asleep but sober enough to get up to read the words clearly before falling back to bed.

It was in simple English. But it took me some minutes to read every single word he typed and to read the meaning within.

Was he asleep? Was he working? Was he with someone else? Was he in his bed too, thinking of the most appropriate way to reply to a silly girl who once loved him?

What could he be thinking? That I am a desperate woman? That I am a cheap woman? That I am mad to be messaging him like that?

I have no idea what sort of questions I was asking and expecting.

Now, my heart is aching.

I wanted to send a message back but I am not too sure if I should. What purpose would it serve anyway?

Would he be bothered to reply again? I hate people who refused to reply to me. I look upon it as a form of disappointment that I should not be subjected to.

But then again, I was the one who had plucked up the courage to send him a message at the weirdest hour of the night the first time in two years.

I had so wanted to ask if he would come out for a coffee someday. Maybe next week? Maybe even today, if he does not mind.

But would he reject me straight or would he simply pretend not to see it and send the message down the trash bin?

You may be asking why am I subjecting myself to such stupidity act. It isn’t even necessary at the first place. It’s like looking for trouble out of none.

But, I needed to close this chapter. Not with myself but with him. I had thrown away stuff related to him and left those memories I had shared with him two years back.

But, somehow, I needed to end it all with him and not just me telling myself that it’s the end of the story.

I need a proper closure before I move on to a new stage of life where he would never exist anymore. Not as a friend, not as a lover and not as a stranger.

I need to see him and say a proper goodbye. Goodbye to all those days and all those questions and feelings.

I just wanted to share a moment with him.

Is it too much to ask for?

If I do not try, I’ll never know.

But if I do try, I am so scared of what would come. Because I know he would most probably not even be bothered to reply.

心痛当初相遇的心动

another 6 cents thoughts at|8/08/2008 10:57:00 PM|

[[ The Writer... ]]

a Simple SomeOne..
who Hides behind a Mask called..
'6 Cents Worth'..
for a Space called my Own...
Somewhere out there but yet Within...

[[ The Writer's Note... ]]

Here is e deepest Secret nobody knows..
Here is e Root of e Root..
And e Bud of e Bud..
And e Sky of e Sky..
Of a Tree Called Life..
Which grows Higher..
Than e Soul can Hope or Mind can Hide..
N dis is e Wonder tt's Keepin e Stars Apart..
I Carry Your Heart..
I Carry It in My Heart..

[[ My Loves and Hates ]]

I Love the simple pleasures in Life..
And I basically hate Nothin' actually..
Cause' I choose Happiness in e beginning..
And Every Happiness brings with it..
Unhappiness..
But it is with Unhappiness..
That you learn about..
True Happiness..

[[ Music's Playing ]]

Artist: Gong Shi Jia
Song: Zai Yi Ci Yong You

[[ My History ]]

[[ The Conversations ]]

[[ WorthAClick ]]

[[ Credits ]]